Are you scanning the horizon for your ship to come in? Have you put in the time, the effort, the sweat and now you're looking for the reward? I was reading the gospel passage where Jesus calls Peter out into the deep. After working fruitlessly all night, Jesus tells Peter to row back out and cast his nets. I'm feeling a bit of that. I'm in that space that isn't exactly frustration or anger; I think I may just be tired. I deeply identify with how exhausted Peter must have been in that reading Luke 5:4-10. Peter had been up all night with nothing to show for his work. Defeated? Probably. Exhausted? Certainly. But Jesus asks and so Peter obeys. I see him rowing out with tired shoulders and great exertion. Yet, once he cast the nets, immediately the nets fill to almost breaking. Suddenly, Peter is jumping up, calling to the other boat, hauling in the catch. Where did all of that energy come from..."for he was astonished."
I know that all things belong to the Lord and that everything is under His authority, from the fish in the lake to potential clients, to physical healing, to financial challenges. If He wills it, no extraordinary magic on my part can make it happen or keep it from happening. Peter only needed to do two things: say yes, even after expressing his doubt and do the repeated action that had failed him up until that moment.
Peter was a good fisherman.
Peter was a professional. He knew what he was doing, and still he caught nothing all night "toiling."
In John 9:3 we hear Jesus say, "It was not that this man sinned or that his parents sinned but that the works of god might be made manifest in him."
Sometimes things are happening simply to demonstrate the power and glory of God.
Peter doesn't fail to catch fish because he was sinful, or inept, or a failure.
Peter (and all of those around) witnessed the works of God made manifest and were astonished.
Have you ever wondered why things are happening, or not happening to you? As women, we carry so many burdens and desire so many things. We cringe when hearing the story of Martha and Mary because too many of us feel called out as a Martha all the while secretly and simultaneously wishing to be and resenting Mary. The overwhelm we feel from "toiling" all through the night is not our defining characteristic. We do not have to be driven by demands from external expectations or internal insecurities. The results of our lives may or may not be directly linked to our behaviors or actions. We are not the sum of our efforts nor is our value determined by the results of those efforts.
Had God answered Peter's prayers during the night (as I am sure Peter was praying for God's help), Peter could have mistaken God's work made manifest for his own skills and abilities. He was, after all a professional fisherman. Obviously, he may have determined it was his skill that created the abundant catch. The long night toiling was not because Jesus wanted Peter to suffer through the toil, anguish, exhaustions and defeat, but He did want him to see, to recognize, and to be astonished by the works of God.
In order to experience this, Peter did need to take action. He took the boat out. He lowered the nets even though he had already tried that all night. But, there was nothing in Peter's abilities that contributed to the miraculous catch.
When we pray for God to act in accordance with our desires and our abilities, we are in danger of believing that our success comes from ourselves. We have put in the time and energy, we have been given the giftedness, and we have prayed for God's help, surely then that is why we will succeed.
Maybe. We forget though that our story is not about us. Our story is the trumpet sounding introduction to Him.
We are programmed to believe that we control our destinies; that through hard work, going the extra mile, putting in the time that we somehow deserve and will achieve worldly success. If we do not achieve that success, we believe that we have failed or that we have been unfairly treated.
I have often found myself wondering where I am in this story. Am I still in the middle of the night toiling, or am I rowing out into the deep with Jesus? What am I seeking? Am I still looking for the abundant catch?
The thing is, I am finally getting to the point in my life that I don't want to care about where I am in the story or how close I am to the catch. I only want to care about the fact that I am in the boat with Jesus, and He is taking care of everything; not in a minimal way, not just scraping by, but with abundant, overflowing, net-breaking astonishment that will glorify God and witness His power to everyone who sees.
Laryn, this is so beautiful! I, too, find myself in the boat just knowing Jesus is at the helm. I trust that His plans are better than my own and just praying I he gives me what I need to be able to follow courageously into the deep. I'll keep praying for you, my friend!